Let’s be honest, change is challenging at best, excruciating at worst. Even for those of us who champion transformation for a living, change never arrives wrapped in a neat bow. More often, it lands like a thunderclap: unsettling, inconvenient, and sometimes utterly disorienting and unwelcome.
Change professionals will talk a lot about plans, assessments, roadmaps, and communications. But what we don’t talk about enough is the messiness, the swirl of emotions that comes with every big shift. Change is never just a series of actions; it’s a series of feelings. While we cannot control all of the feelings we have, there is power in knowing which feelings we desire and which we don’t.
The Unspoken Reality: Change is Emotional Before It’s Rational
Many organisations prefer for their people to park their feelings at the door. In fact, I had a leader once say, “I’m sick of all the emotions. Why can’t people just get on with it?” But that’s where the problem lies. If we cannot acknowledge the emotion, we’ll never truly move forward. We have to name it, to tame it.
In reality, whenever something meaningful shifts - strategy, structure, systems - emotions are the first responders. For some, it’s anxiety. For others, it’s relief, scepticism, excitement, or even grief. As leaders, we’re not immune. In fact, we’re often carrying our own feelings while holding space for everyone else’s. (If that sentence makes you feel heavy - I see you, and btw you're doing a great job.)
So how do we lead through change, knowing all this?
It starts with emotional awareness.
1. Start With Yourself: Name What You’re Feeling
A lesson I’ve learnt (sometimes the hard way): The way I respond to change sets the emotional tone for those around me. If I’m quietly panicking, people feel it, even if I never say a word.
Before launching into change mode, pause and check in with yourself. Are you feeling nervous? Hopeful? Frustrated? Angry? Naming those feelings doesn’t make you less professional. It makes you more human, and a better leader.
In fact, research shows that leaders who acknowledge their emotions (rather than suppressing them) are far more effective at helping others do the same. Your willingness to be honest about your feelings creates psychological safety, and that safety is the bedrock of real change.
2. Tune In: Notice What Others Are Feeling (Not Just Saying)
In times of change, people rarely say exactly what they feel. Watch for the non-verbals: the silence in meetings, the whispered conversations, the sudden drop in enthusiasm. People will often tell you what they think you want to hear, which can be easier to accept than to look deeper. To avoid falling into the trap of acceptance rather than exploration, ask open questions and don’t rush to “fix” uncomfortable feelings. Sometimes, what your team needs most is space to be heard.
If there is a lack of openness, consider the emotions you want your team to experience. Supporting people to feel positive emotions is within your control, and emotions drive behaviour change. For example, if you want your team to feel secure, focus on actions that create that sense of security. As people begin to feel safer, their behaviour towards the change is likely to shift as well.
3. Embrace the Messiness: It’s Where Growth Happens
It’s tempting to wish away the discomfort of change, but the messy bit in the middle is where growth happens. It’s also where connection is forged. When leaders can sit with uncertainty (not as a problem to solve, but as a process to support) teams become more resilient and their capacity to thrive through change grows.
This doesn’t mean endless wallowing or navel-gazing. It means recognising that feeling lost, angry, or overwhelmed is a normal part of the process. By making room for these emotions, we help people move through them, rather than getting stuck.
4. Share Your Story: Invite Others to Do the Same
People don’t connect to frameworks; they connect to stories. Share your own journey -what excites you about the change, and what scares you. Invite others to talk about their own reactions.
In my own experience, the moments that moved teams forward were never slick town halls or slide decks. They were the raw, vulnerable conversations where someone dared to say, “I’m not sure about this yet,” and others realised they weren’t alone. I've even seen non-titled leaders step up in these moments, because the honesty has inspired them to lead and take charge.
All too often leaders think they have to focus on optimism in order to shift, but the truth is, being honest is far more valuable.
5. Remember: Change Doesn’t Stick Without Belonging
At the heart of it all, change is about belonging. When people feel seen and heard, when their feelings are respected rather than brushed aside, they’re much more likely to step into the unknown with you.
The plans, communications, champions and practical work of change still matters. But the emotional work matters more. You don’t have to have all the answers. What your team needs most is to know that you see them, that you’re in it together, and that it’s okay to feel as well as think.
I'll say it again... emotions drive behaviour change.
Lead with empathy, and the rest will follow.